Acts 1&2 Things turned out the way they did

[CASPER]

{ Readers Helper : I know the accent is thick }
* But please try to read between the lines.*

I am trying my best to let you hear this mono log
just as I hear it in my head.

an' = &, Da' = Dah " Dad ", 'ave = Have,

& the rest I'm sure you'll recognize as " Casper - ese ".

Hope you enjoy my one man play !}

Act I, : Mum : " Things turned out the way they did "

~*~

Oi , What now ?

* Investigative reporter ya say ?

Well M8, ya seem like a reasonable sort
an' I's pose it's 'bout time I got ta tell me own side O'

Why things turned out the way they did.

* Same ta day as when I was a lad,
Folks would always rather talk about me an' mine..

It's true me Mum an' Da' were well know for their angry drink'n habits.

Out O' respect for them I'll skip over the details an' juz say,
They never much had need for me, an' more than a few times they'd show me how little,
with a balled up fist.. Or a splintering chair across me back..
So I learned early
ta make due on me own,

AN' No, I never claimed ta be a saintly lad.

I been known ta burgle a bit an' even knock a head or 2
if I figured the bloke could spare a quid..

Why I've even pinched a few pence from the poor box at church.
Why not, ?, I was a poor lad after all..

So yeah, I been wronged an' I done me share O' wrong as well.
An' true 'nuff dodged the Bobby's far more than they ever pinched me..

I ain't bragg'n now mind you. Juz tell'n me story, as honest as I can is all..

It was me up bring'n ya see,.,
No one should 'ave been surprised things turned out the way they did.
No sir, no surprise 'ear at all..

* Oi, but I guess I'd 'ave ta say the real troubles began just shortly after me
Da' pass on.
Me Mum, she took it real hard she did..

I could tell she blamed me.
when she was home, I'd some times 'ear her cry'n late at night.

Most of the time though, It was like she'd go out O' her way to ignore me..

Unless she'd been drink'n.. An Oh yes she did in deed take on that bottle more an'
more nightly..

She'd start throw'n things an' curse'n me name in a fitful way she did.
She even took it in her head ta try an' run me off . She said I were not her son
!

Oi an' then she'd act surprised when me own temper would flair .,
An' much to me shame ahy, I got a hateful temper juz like me Da' had.

I'd throw lamps at the wall or smash chairs in ta the fire place..

All I wanted was for me Mum ta love me.. Was that to much ta ask ?

No I tells ya !

So I never game up.. No I faced her grief.. I knew she was miss'n me Da' is all..

I kept on tell'n her " it were Da's drink'n an' hate full rages what ended
him,
an' if she would no stop.. Well she'd bloody well end the same..

I know ya must be think'n them be harsh words ta use of yer own Mum..

But it's what they now calls "Tough love"..
So I kept on & on... The more she denied me the more I let her know I would
always be there, I'd be there for her.. an' I was to!

So Mum finally got the help she so deserved,., She don't drink no more,.
an' I visit her every night at the Hospital..

She says she loves me an' now we talk an' talk an' talk, some times 'till dawn..

Any who really knows the powerful emotion a lad 'as for a Mum like mine
knows exactly why things turned out the way they did...

{{ End act one }}


~*~



Things turned out the way they did

Act II

:The Land Lord:





Of course no good deed goes unpunished...

There I was juz' starting ta adjust ta be'n in me own home all alone,
when juz' as uppity as ya please, in comes that greedy toad of a land lord,.,
Polk'n 'bout the lawn, then right on it ta the house with nary so much as a
" Sorry ta 'ear 'bout yer Da' ? or How's yer Mum ?!"

No, he juz set straight away make'n all manor O' noise,!,
With his blasted Hammer'n an' that damn whining saw !

Oi, How I tried ta be nice..

May be he juz felt I wasn't up ta the task O' manage 'n me own House hold.,
But I think he juz' doubted all me best intentions...

Nice as can be, I explained " As the man O' the house, I fully intended ta
take care O' things me self..."

He'd juz' pause for a moment,., With that stupid look on his face, like he'd juz'
smelled some thing he didn't care for,., an' then right back to his bang'n clatter
!..

Mind you,., I 'ave never been one ta suffer disrespect lightly..

He had juz' dismissed me best offers like the buzzing O' so many bloody flies !..

Under the circumstance', I'd say I acted with great restraint...

I juz' calmly walked over, yanked his damn noisy saw for the wall socket,!,
an' with a deliberately slow stride, I walked to the nearest window
an' pitched it through the pain glass where it rolled hard onto the curb !..

Oi, when he dashed to the broken window !, I could see in his chubby face, He had
Heard me now...

But, juz ta drive me point home, I picked up his own hammer an' chased that Slum
Lord ta the edge O' me property, " proper ", an' then I heaved that blasted
hammer
after him !...

I could 'ave smashed his skull if I'd meant any real harm .....
Na, instead I'd thrown it at the considerable bulk O' his back side.
I wouldn't even say I'd thrown it hard..
But when it hit his rotunderous thigh,.,
He did stumbled over his own feet none the less,
he did..

Oi, For a second I pitied his own Da',.,
"Ta be the Father that could 'ave had such an un manly son as that one ?!..."

Na, Me Land Lord weren't hurt really., Clear 'nuff in his reactions ..
Ya should 'ave seen how spry that fat troll rolled back up ta his feet !

But then he was such a cowardly clod,
He juz stared at his own hammer scream'n like the weakest woman
ya'd ever 'ave the misfortune ta see..
Afore he turned tail, leaven his hammer where it lay...

surprised me abit juz how fast that fat man could move when properly motivated !..

He carried his noise down the street, "most haste" .
Yes sir, He did..

An' I am proud ta say,
He 'as never crossed this 'ear threshold again,
ta this very day...

Seems he learned his lesson, "A man's home is his castle after all.."
Had his own Da' taught him that more proper afore ..

Might not 'ave been things turned out the way they did...

End act II